This morning I got to thinking about August and all the energy it held – if you follow astrology and what the planets are doing, mind you I do but only enough to have a rough idea of what’s happening, mostly for my own sanity, but I’m in no way an expert. But if you follow any kind of astrologer, you’ve probably noticed that August held a lot of good get shit done energy – it was like a whirlwind of a month when I looked back on it. It was like everything that was wanting to be created got done with such ease and FAST, it was like holy crap what’s happening here?! But then I got to thinking about other areas of my life and this morning I thought about a specific piece of my life where I’m feeling a little misaligned. So I do what I do best and I whip out my notebook and I start writing things down – the good and a bad, a pros and cons list of sorts. After I felt like I got done, I realized that my cons list all had a theme – expectation. I wasn’t happy with how things were going because I felt like I wanted them to flow more freely and instead it felt like I was forcing things to happen. I realized I was operating here more out of force than flow.
It got me thinking about experiences in the past and taking notice of how many other times I’ve fallen into that trap. Where I’ve had a deathgrip on a thing because it just HAD to work. I’ve done this in business, I’ve done this in relationships, I’ve done this pretty much everywhere one can do this. I think this isn’t a Misty thing, I think this is a human thing. When you take a step back and really look at it, what are we actually doing? TIme and time again I’ve seen that when I step back from the thing I’m chasing, when I consciously cut the cord and release it to take whatever shape it wants to, it often comes back to me in a much different form than it was. Sometimes it goes away completely, but in the zoomed out big picture of things, it’s actually making room for something else, something far better, to come in. But we can’t see that zoomed out picture, all we see is what’s right in front of us.
My amazing friend Meka and I were talking the other day and she was asking me about selling my house and my plans for when it sells, where I”m moving to, etc. and I was completely honest and I said you know, I honestly really have no idea. I”m just trying to let the story unfold as it wants to. For me, that right there was a place I had been trying to get to in my life for so long – letting the story unfold as it wants to. To do that takes such surrender and such courage, neither things I’ve ever been super great at. Hard work, forcing things to work in a certain way, yes I was really great at that – though I can’t ever remember a time that actually worked out in my favor. But when I said it, she said something to me that I now carry around like the most magnificent tattoo ever – she said, “blind faith.” I felt such ease – like the expectation had been lifted, the pressure was gone, because I really was just letting the story unfold the way it wanted to. So back to the piece of my life where I feel like I’m trying to steer the ship and force it to go where I want – why couldn’t I just let it unfold the way it wanted to? Why couldn’t I just sit back and allow divine flow to come in – and rest easy knowing that if it’s meant to stay, it will, and if it’s not it will go? Well, to be honest, because that’s scary! Scarcity mindset creeps in and you start feeling the pain of the loss of the thing or the person, while there are for sure the red flags and the pain points, you start thinking about all the good you’d lose and it makes you tighten your grip.
I got to thinking though – how are we wired for scarcity mindset? How are we wired to force things to work? I’ve known too many people who fall into this trap to think it’s only me. I’ve met people who can so freely let go of things in an area of their life that I cling to, and vis versa. I admire people that know themselves so well. I think back to forcing things to work and I think we unintentionally fall victim to that mindset of do, do, do, strive, be, succeed, force, make the sale, get the girl, catch the guy, buy the thing, go after all your dreams – and while I get where it all comes from, I think something very important was left out – are you chasing after things that keep evading you or are you taking inspired action for things that are somehow someway being put in front of you as if by magic? Are we hunting or are we attracting with attention? This is a battle I seem to find myself in quite often. You too?
A thought to consider is that there’s something deeper going on. While flowing through this episode’s notes I realized there are deeper roots to the area I’m forcing. I have to wonder what the deeper roots are for everyone in the area they’re forcing – what are you afraid of happening if this thing didn’t work or didn’t work out? Are you actually afraid of failure? Abandonment? Pain? Embarassment? Dig deep and see what that core fear actually is – the area you’re forcing and the actions you’re taking that are actually exhausting you instead of energizing you area actually coming from this fear – the ego is taking over. It’s basically saying I refuse to feel this way, so I’m going to force this thing that’s in front of me to work because that’s all that’s in front of me – there are no other possibilities in sight and I’d rather force this to work than risk sitting in that unknown space of perceived stagnancy.
Obviously when we look at it from this perspective, it’s clear as day that’s not the way to go – it just feels so heavy. So when we get to the root of the thing, the root of why we’re forcing something to work, how can we start to heal that area in other ways? What needs to happen for us to feel fulfilled in this area all on our own, regardless whether this thing works or not?
A tool I wanted to share with you as I’m working through this myself – find a good therapist. I mean a realllly good therapist. My friend referred me to hers and she’s magnificent – I’m not someone that’s new to therapy, I’ve actually been seeing all kinds since I’ve been in my twenties – no shame here. I love therapy, I think everyone needs a therapist, especially these days. We’re dealing with so much – so much baggage and stuff that isn’t even ours to deal with and constantly taking in and on the world’s problems and those of the people around us. I really feel like having an independent third party you can just emotion vomit all over is pivotal – I have a lot of respect for therapists and what they do, clearly. The key here though is finding someone who is your vibe. Like the therapist I go to is a healer and therapist rolled into one – her office is adorned with her art that she created, with crystals, she clears the energy from the client before with a big wind chime – it just screams Misty. So I texted her this morning to make an appointment – there’s undoubtedly things that she might be able to see that I’m not, or different suggestions she may have that I would’ve never thought about. I’m not usually one to tell you to seek help outside yourself and your intuition to solve a problem – but when you see a therapist with the intention of unloading everything and maybe seeing things from a new angle, sometimes things just start to work themselves out as if by magic, without you necessarily having to “do” a whole lot. I think therapy is self-care – you’re not looking to your therapist to fix or save you, you’re seeking out a different perspective, maybe a different thing you hadn’t thought about, or a way to maybe fill in the holes or the gaps to help the healing to happen.
As always, I feel like awareness is the first step in anything – becoming aware of something as it’s rising up in you. After that you really have two options – face it or stuff it back down. The thing I’m dealing with I know I’ve stuffed back down time and time again and tried to find transient solutions to fill in the wound. It’s coming back up again so I clearly need to do more work here. If you choose to face it though, you get to decide if it moves forward in your new life or not. Every day is a new life, a rebirth of sorts. A chance to start again. Does whatever that’s coming up for you have a place in your life, is it serving you somehow – if you know it isn’t, are you willing to let it go, surrender it for that space in your life to be healed? If the answer is no, that’s ok – how can you work with this shadow aspect of yourself in that case? Just like anything else, if we aren’t ready and willing to let something go, we really can’t – because we still have the grip on it. You can’t release something you have a deathgrip on and refuse to let go of. But when you are, you’ll know – even if it’s just one finger coming off slowly at a time. Remember Meka’s advice here though – blind faith. As scary and icky as this all feels, there’s somehow someway a higher plan at work that we just can’t see. So when those anxious feelings pop up and you feel yourself reaching and chasing after the thing again, take a pause, take some deep breaths, maybe say a little prayer or set an intention and keep speaking it until you feel that panic subside and you’re more grounded in how you feel.
I opened up Tosha Silver’s Change Me Prayers just now for guidance, and this is the one I opened to – as always, it pierced right through my heart and was the perfect anticdote to my emotions and this podcast:
Change me Divine Beloved into One who can easily offer you even the deepest desires, knowing in every cell that you already have the perfect plan for me. You completely know my heart.
Allow me to let go and trust you in every way by waiting or taking action as guided and always always following your lead.
Help me let what wants to go, go and what wants to come, come.
Divine Beloved, change me into One whose every desire truly belongs to you. Grant me detachment, patience and calm.
Let me fully trust your plan.
If this idea is yours, let it bloom in the perfect way.
And if it is not, FREE me from its grip completely.
I long for your desires alone.
Divine Beloved, change me into one who can offer my heart’s desires to your loving hands. May I trust your complete guidance in every moment.
Change me into one who can offer you even my deepest longings. Let them now be yours to do with as you will. Make me your very own.
If this current idea is your own, then please, lead the way, filling me with patience and faith. And if this idea is NOT your will, then free me from attachment so all may unfold as you desire, trusting there is a perfect plan.
I am Yours.
You are MIne.
We are One.
All is well.
Yep, I’m going to be printing this out and keeping it handy, I may even take a photo on my phone and make it my background in case I need it in a pinch.
Enjoy your beautiful life, talk with you next time!